ABIGAIL: This is a nickname we use to refer to celebrity fan Joey DiNapoli, who is a shitlord.

ADULT LADY BOOBIES: John's child cousin was busted for looking up porn on his computer. This is one of the terms that showed up in his search history.

ALTOGETHER LESS FASHIONABLE: This is how most English journalists see Columbus, OH.

ANGELA PORTER: The female name used by the hackers who illegally broke into Tony Aces' Twitter account in June 2016.

BASKETBALL: The greatest sport known to man, and something that Morgan enjoys more than anything else.

BEER CULTURE: A bar in NYC. We're sure John Clem has checked in on Untappd, if you want to check out his social media profiles for more info.

BILLS MAFIA: Celebrity fan Charles Lexner IV is a huge Buffalo Bills fan, so we use #BillsMafia when broadcasting live on Periscope in order to confuse him.

BLOOD AND URINE: Our benevolent corporate overlord sponsors, who give us all of the monies we need to produce ACES Radio each and every week. Morgan and John brought them onboard before ACES Radio even existed - see Example 1 and Example 2.

BROWN PANTS: A phrase that John uses to describe whatever uniforms the Crew are wearing when they lose a game in embarrassing fashion.

BUTT CHUGGING: Pretty sure that's when you use a funnel and tube to drink beer through your anus hole? Yeah, we're not really sure.

BUTTLICKER: A universally-accepted nickname for John Zidar.

CAITLIN PAULSON: The wife of celebrity fan Shane Paulson, who is miserable in her marriage.

CARELESS WHISPER: The song that we use to drown out anyone who is saying something we ain't got time for. Usually this person is Greg.

CELEBRITY FAN: A derogative term coined by Crew fans on social media to insult others which has undergone a melioration, resulting in its usage as a term of endearment.

CONTINUING CHAMPION: A universally-accepted nickname for Morgan Hughes.

DADDY BEACS: A universally-accepted nickname for Clark Beacom, vice-president of sales for Columbus Crew SC.

DERRECK HUGHES: The fake stepson of Morgan Hughes, and the next presdent of Husdon Holligans.

DOM TIBERI: The greatest and most well-connected journalist in the history of Central Ohio, aka "The Insider".

DONUT ADDICT: A universally-accepted nickname for Conor Casey.


DUCKS: An animal, allegedly. Morgan Hughes has no idea how they work.

FAKE KATIE MITCHELL: A pretend version of our good friend Katie Mitchell. Fake Katie is a DC United fan, and stops by to say hello multiple times per episode.

FAX MACHINE: The piece of modern-day equipment that we use to verify all of the information which is disseminated during episodes.

GARY SPORTSMAN: The former alias of Morgan Hughes. Gary had a family (The Sportsman's) who ran a nearby duck farm somewhere in Ohio. Sometimes they send in Hot Takes via snail mail.

GRAND PRIZE: "The Battle for The Grand Prize" is the Hot Take / Hotake portion of segment three; this is regularly live streamed via Periscope.

GREG IS A RACIST: Greg Benson is a liberal who hates being called a racist, so naturally we call him a racist all the time, even though we agree with him on 96% of all political stances.

HIGH SCHOOL POWER RANKINGS: The shitlords over at Yellow Nation Army had a FIFA video game tournament at their tailgate in May 2016, which was won by an Upper Arlington High School graduate. Morgan, also a UAHS graduate, invented the "Crew SC High School Power Rankings" later that night. The Golden Bears always claim the top spot, while those filthy whores over at Dublin Coffman can't ever seem to drag their shit asses out of last place.

HOLLYWOOD: A nickname that Greg Benson gave himself, which is why we decided to go with "Racist Greg" instead. Greg bought a Crew jersey with "HOLLYWOOD" on the back, which is literally the worst thing.

HOTAKES: A misspelled version of "Hot Takes" which is usually found in hashtag form, a Hotake is when someone states an obvious fact instead of something unique or creative. For instance, saying "the Crew sucks balls in 2016" is obviously a Hotake.

IGNORANT SLUTS: A loving term used to refer to any listener of ACES Radio.

JOHN COUGHED INTO MIC: John Zidar is constantly coughing into the microphone, or at least he did a couple times during an episode where he had a head cold. In response, Morgan had Professional Announcer Man record "JOHN ZIDAR HAS COUGHED INTO THE MICROPHONE", which was immediately turned into a drop. 

JOHN'S GENITALS: Not really much to say about this one. John is always taking his genitals out, especially when the hearts are rolling in on Periscope.

LAMBO: A universally-accepted nickname for Columbus Crew SC's President of Business Operations, Andy Loughnane. When Lambo was hired, we decided that Loughnane was far too difficult of a word to spell and/or remember, so we decided Lambo was probably the best alternative. Fun fact about Lambo: his wife Jenn is way more better than him, and is a #TIFOSWEAT legend.

LAND DOWN UNDER: A song that we play whenever Greg has the audacity to try to speak during the recording of the show. How dare he.

LOBSTER LAWYER: A universally-accepted nickname for friend of the show Todd Fichtenburg. We love Todd, even though he tries to destroy ACES Radio by having a Crew podcast of his own. Shitlord.

MAN BALLS: A combination of "Man of The Match" and "Game Balls", which is far too long of a term to use on-air, as opposed to this explanation which is perfectly formed. Man Balls are given out by the panel every week at the end of Segment One.

MIX'S DAD: An anonymous internet user who frequents the Periscope feed of ACES Radio. It's probably not actually Paal Diskerud, but you never know. But it's definitely not him. Or is it? No, it is not. Though it could be. But it's likely not. Is it? No.

MORGAN PRESSED INCORRECT BUTTON: Morgan broke his fingers a lot when he was playing basketball during his youth. Instead of allowing them to heal, he taped them together and continued playing, causing his fingers to stay mangled and disgusting for the rest of his life. Due to this, he frequently presses incorrect buttons during the show. He is the wurst.

OOKIE COOKIE: You're going to have to look this one up yourself. Because, eww gross, no.

OSU BRAH: A reddit user who frequently contributes Hot Takes on r/TheMassive. He and his pals enjoy going to Columbus Crewzers FC matches, beasting it, and butt-chugging.

PAM: Morgan's whore girlfriend / bitch lover. Pam made an appearance on the first ever episode of ACES Radio, burning a pizza in the process. She has not been heard from since.

POSSIBLY LAST EPISODE: When John and Morgan started the show, they didn't know if they wanted to do more than one episode. Morgan mentioned the first episode as being "the first and possibly last", which continues to be true with the recording of every episode since. You never know when ACES Radio may finally go away forever. Hopefully soon.

PRENATAL OGRE: An anagram of "Angela Porter", #PrenatalOgre is a hashtag you can use to engage with other ACES Radio listeners on social media.

SALAVIA: Morgan is kinda smart, but mostly very stupid. He has issues reading his computer screen from far away (because he is old), and mispronounced the word "saliva" as "salavia", again, because he is mostly very stupid.

SHITLORD: A loving term used to reference any and all listeners / guests / hosts of ACES Radio.

SHREK: Our Indian brother from India, the most obnoxious member of the Nordecke community, and the worst guest in the long, horrid history of ACES Radio.

STANKLORD: A play-on-words from the original "SHITLORD" drop.

THE BULK: After Lobster Lawyer Todd Fichtenburg said on the show that he wanted to give "the bulk of the credit" to Robert Rovick for a successful #NorOnTour trip in 2015, someone on the panel replied with, "yeah, I bet you want to give him the bulk". It was funny, we laughed, and a new inside joke was born.

TOKEN LIBERAL: The user name for Darby Shnarfus on all social media platforms.

TRAINING VIDEO: A reference to Episode 14 of ACES Radio, which was a training video for John Zidar's earholes only.

WE CAME FOR THE BELT: John and Morgan play in the Crew SC Footgolf Challenge every damn year, and the first place prize is a championship belt. They are always coming for it. They never win it. Such is Mango.

YOSIEPH'S MOM: A woman with whom the ACES Radio panel has had frequent sexual encounters at a rest stop between Columbus, OH and Cincinnati, KY.