Sup, ACEHOLES?! It's the one and only Goalfart

Dick in hand, like Zidar with a million hearts

Columbus is my city, (I'm) chillin' in the 'FRE

2-4-6-8 you know who we love to hate

Beacs and Beacs and Skeet Skeet Skeet

Yo Yo Harris was quite a rare treat

I met Wendy Thomas, she was fresh and I was silly

Then she put her fiery fuckin' hotness on my willy

Like Dwight on a Frosty, I'll use my tongue

Like Merman's pop, "I got Irack lung" (sic)

I'll assimilate yo azz just like Star Trek

Duka's fiance thinks "Gregg is a sneck"

It's Thursday night, I got nothin' to do

So I'll grab some buffalo balls, maybe rap about the Crew

Then I'll hit the freeway and flip off a cop

Mile 67, back to the rest stop

When I'm at the Rest Stop, I do what I want

John the Whetboy is an expert at fonts

I don't wear undies, and I'm not shy

Scoring goals & stinky holes till the day i die


I'm always insider like Tiberi

What if I told you that there was a cure

For the scourge known as hooking up with ladies who are... mature?

Well there's a back back room where shit gets nuts

And that's where I saw the monkey with 2 butts

There's brandy in the hot tub, and fancy cars

Gangster Crew Baby's cole smokin' cigars

Party Lambo and Aces are on the Night Train

Cuz' Anything Goes in this Rest Stop game

So listen up folks, from Dublin to HIlltop

Order up a Puber, get back to the rest stop

When I left the scene it was probably 4:30

Eh, spoiler alert... Yosiefy's mom: DIRTY

I grabbed Skyline as I started home, rollin'

And then the Lord of the Shits then appeared in my colon

Will Pepto help me get back on my route?

Pam, get on the fax machine, and check that out (pause for fax machine, loud inhale/exhale)

No matter what happens, I'm here to say

I'm the number one shitlord in the game today

And The Crew's the greatest team on the muthahumpin' planet

And for new kitchen counters, there's nothing like granite

C R E doubleyou S C

It's the club d'amour for you and me

But don't say it wrong, cuz they're obsessed, or it's...

Sixteen dollars to Arica Kress

There's one more chapter in the lecture at hand

So pardon my reach while I grab the mic stand

AGS Attack your rhymes are wack

Skill and talent is what you lack

My neck, my back

And I could stop you with my sack

Now Frankie yourself to the 'nati right back

Goalfart out for the Gold & Black